TOW #1: How to Say Nothing in 500 Words (Written)

In 1958, Paul McHenry Roberts published the essay How to Say Nothing in 500 Words as a part of one of his books, Understanding English. Roberts, an English professor, approaches his topic from the second-person perspective of a student assigned a five-hundred-word composition on college football. The topic is not only relevant given its student audience, but also because of when it was written. In the 1950s, many colleges were dropping their football programs, largely for financial reasons. This made the topic a popular point of debate for essays.

Appealing to his student audience, he satirically mimics common excuses, such as deciding to go to go to the movies rather than do homework because “you do your best thinking in the morning.” This procrastination results in a substandard position paper, which he spends the rest of the essay instructing his audience on how to amend through a rather scientific process.

Informal diction, including smatterings of contractions and direct addresses of the audience, give the piece a more conversational tone, putting the student audience at ease with his writing. Humorous hyperboles add to the youthful attraction, as he convinces his reader to avoid the most obvious examples to back up their theses. Rather, express opposition to college football because it “competes with baseball and is therefore un-American and possibly Communist inspired.” A blatantly exaggerated example, it additionally satirizes anti-Communist fervor present in 1950s America.

The organizational structure utilized by Roberts adds a logical progression and coherence to his essay. He uses headings with distinct rules for writing, including “Take the Less Usual Side,” and “Get Rid of Obvious Padding” to focus his readers. Though he elaborates with comical examples, he also, through the headings, provides the main points, lest they get lost in the text.

Through his superb use of diction, satirical humor, and organizational strategies, Roberts reaches his audiences of college students, allowing them to become better writers.

(318 words)